....ME-I"M COOL STUFF....
....TWO TOUGH QUESTIONS....
Question 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Question 2: It is time to elect a new world leader, and your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:
Candidate A: Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B: He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.
Candidate C: He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any extramarital affairs.
Which of these candidates would be your choice?
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B is Winston Churchill
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler
And by the way: Answer to the abortion question if you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.
Pretty interesting isn't it. Makes a person think before judging someone.
Remember amateurs built the ark Professionals built the Titanic.
....THINGS GIRLS THINK GUYS SHOULD KNOW....
1. Don't ever lie to us; we always find out.
2. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy
3. Don't say you understand when you don't.
4. Girls are pretty; get over it.
5. You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what it's like.
6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing
something sweet will always get you off the hook.
7. If you talk about having a big dick; we know you don't.
8. Size does matter, but only to hoes; not girls that want
9. We don't like it when you act like Mr. Big.
10. It's good to be sensitive, sometimes.
11. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't,
12. Be spontaneous; dinner and a movie won't always cut it.
13. We are self-conscious by nature; we can't help it.
14. We are drama queens.
15. Fashion police do exist.
16. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.
17.We don't shave our legs every day; get over it.
18. Don't make bets about us; we always find out.
19. Don't compare our breasts with Pamela Anderson's; hers are fake, just remember that. (remember: u have a better shot at ours than you ever will with hers)
20. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.
21. We are beautiful at all times.
22. We will always think we are fat, so humor us and tell us we aren't.
23. You can shoot hoops, score a goal, knock down big fat guys, and hit a little baseball with a stick, so why the hell can't you piss in the toilet and not on it.
24. Most importantly: we are always right; so don't forget it.
....TOP 13 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR....
13. Pass My Shotgun
12. Psychotic Mood Shift
11. Pack My Stuff
10. Permanent Menstrual Syndrome
9. Perpetual Munching Spree
8. Puffy Mid-Section
7. People Make Me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
5. Pardon My Sobbing
4. Pimples May Surface
3. Pass My Sweatpants
2. Pissy Mood Syndrome
1. Plainly, Men Suck
....THE THINGS YOU SHOULD TRY ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND....
*Hold their hands whenever you possibly can
*Put your arms around their waist and whisper in their ears.
*Kiss them every chance you can.
*Hold them close when they are cold.
*When you are alone hold her and kiss her
*Kiss her on the top of her nose (it will give her a sign that you want to kiss her).
*While at the movies put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder then lean in and tilt her chin to kiss her lightly.
*When people diss them stand up for them.
*Look deep into their eyes and tell them you love them.
Take a few minutes and read these. Think about
them one at a time BEFORE going on to the next
one.........IT DOES MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD especially
the thought at the end.
*Falling in love.
*Laughing so hard your face hurts.
*A hot shower.
*No lines at the Super Wal-Mart.
*Taking a drive on a pretty road.
*Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
*Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
*Hot towels out of the dryer.
*Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half price.
*A long distance phone call.
*A bubble bath.
*A good conversation.
*Finding a $20 bill in your coat from last winter.
*Laughing at your self.
*Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
*Running through sprinklers.
*Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
*Having someone tell you that you're beautiful
*Laughing at an inside joke.
*Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
*Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
*Making new friends or spending time with old ones
*The cool side of the pillow
*Playing with a new puppy.
*Having someone play with your hair.
*Road trips with friends.
*Swinging on swings.
*Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along without feeling stupid.
*Going to a really good concert.
*Winning a really competitive game.
*Making chocolate chip cookies.
*Having your friends send you homemade cookies
*Spending time with close friends.
*Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends.
*Holding hands with someone you care about.
*Running into an old friend and realizing that some things never change.
*Riding the best roller coasters over and over.
*Watching the statement on someone's face as they open a much-desired present from you.
*Watching the sunrise.
*Getting out of bed every morning and thanking God
for another beautiful day
....TOP REASONS WHY GOD CREATED EVE....
* God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.
* God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and then hand him the remote.
* God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new
fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.
* God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist or haircut appointment by himself.
* God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.
* God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never, ever be able to handle the pain of childbearing.
* As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
* Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
* As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone."
And, finally, the # 1 reason why God created Eve....
* When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that."
....FUN THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR....
1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the
shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go
back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the buttons for other people, but push the wrong
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know
what floor you're on.
5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After
awhile, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then
scream, "That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8) Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever
someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
9) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if
they hear something ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures
and exit with the passengers.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others,"It's okay. Don't
panic, they open up again."
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Call out, "Group hug!" then enforce it.
18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall,
without getting off.
21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror,
"You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other
23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25) Grinning, stare at another passenger for a while, and then
announce, "I have new socks on."
26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and
announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."
.... A Friend....
(A)ccepts you as you are
(B)elieves in "you"
(C)alls you just to say "HI"
(D)oesn't give up on you!!!
(E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)
(F)orgives your mistakes
(I)nvites you over
(J)ust "be" with you
(K)eeps you close at heart
(L)oves you for who you are
(M)akes a difference in your life
(P)icks you up
(Q)uiets your fears
(R)aises your spirits
(S)ays nice things about you
(T)ells you the truth when you need to hear it
(W)alks beside you
(X)-plains thing you don't understand
(Y)ells when you won't listen and
(Z)aps you back to reality